Chuck Norris Facts

[Cwheed]

THE TOP TEN CHUCK NORRIS FACTS:


Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.


Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.


Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.


If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.


Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.


When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.


Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.


Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.


They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

[Skinny Chicken]

Thats great love it. Chuck norris facts are the best

[BigDaddy]

Oh I got one.....
Chuck Norris once drank a dos equis with "The Most Interesting Man Alive".....when he was done with it he said "this shit sucks" and shove the bottle up "The Most Interesting Man Alive's" ass ! :D

[King Catfish]

Nice one BigDaddy.
here's one.....Chuck Norris knows the meaning of life....but no one can handle the info so he keeps it to himself!

[Crazy Cajun Crawdaddy]

Say man i got a Chuck Norris a fact for you guys..... Chuck Norris once had a staring contest with a stachue.....and won, twice.

[King Catfish]

Chuch Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

[BigDaddy]

Yo King that was good but here is a better one.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter!

[King Catfish]

Chuck Norris doesn't get wet when he goes in water, wet gets Chuck Norris.

[Crazy Cajun Crawdaddy]

Chuck Norris bows down to no one, the queen of England bows to Chuck Norris.

[BigDaddy]

Chuck Norris can look at a cat and say ''Boo'' and the cat will die 9 times over.

[Crazy Cajun Crawdaddy]

Black cat's don't cross in front of Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris crosses in front of black cats. ;)

[Cwheed]

19 More Facts About Chuck Norris
1. When a tsunami happens, it’s because Chuck Norris has been swimming laps in the ocean.
2. Chuck Norris poops light sabers.
3. Chuck Norris clips his toenails with a chain saw. But he holds it backwards.
4. Chuck Norris likes his coffee like he likes his women: ground up, packed in a burlap sack, and thrown over the back of a donkey.
5. Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Chuck Norris threw it.
6. Chuck Norris’s belly button is actually a power outlet.
7. Camels have a hump because Chuck Norris needed a place to store his kills.
8. Chuck Norris has a beautiful singing voice. Unfortunately, the sound of it would melt the average human brain.
9. Chuck Norris has a pet kitten – every night for a snack.
10. On his birthday, Chuck Norris blows out his candles by blinking.
11. Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
12. When Chuck Norris vomits, wealthy people scavenge it for food. Too bad for them Chuck Norris never vomits.
13. If Chuck Norris were a ballet dancer, he’d strangle you gracefully with his tutu. And then himself.
14. Chuck Norris graduated from school with a degree in Chuck Norris.
15. Our founding fathers originally decreed a strict separation between Chuck Norris and state. Chuck Norris eliminated them.
16. The only thing Chuck Norris fears is Chuck Norris.
17. Chuck Norris uses staples as hair gel.
18. Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
19. Even Chuck Norris can’t believe nobody Chuck Norrised this guy a long time ago.

[BigDaddy]

Nobody is perfect, otherwise they would be called Chuck Norris. :p

[Cwheed]

So big daddy will quit bitching at me.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

[Crazy Cajun Crawdaddy]

Chuck Norris died once, when asked what he wanted to come back as he said......Chuck Norris.

[King Catfish]

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer, Chuck Norris is always in control.

[BigDaddy]

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you. :D

[Crazy Cajun Crawdaddy]

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom. :eek:

[BigDaddy]

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

[Cwheed]

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.